Monday, November 25, 2013

Day 25 - I'm gonna get in trouble

Today, I'm thankful for my big brush guard on my SUV.  

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I went to make a u-turn on a back country road that was under construction.  The middle of the road was a little less road that I had originally anticipated and a little more muddy ditch.  I found the license plate stuck in the mud under the front bumper.

Now I get to go wash it tomorrow before my husband gets home from his hunting trip.  Maybe if I make his favorite dinner and butter him up before I hand him the license plate it will soften the blow.  There's no dents or anything so I don't think it warrants a homemade carrot cake or anything.  It wasn't THAT bad.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Day 24, finding something to be thankful for

Some days, finding something to be thankful for is easy.  Some days, not so much.  Sometimes, all you can find to be thankful for is, 'I'm thankful I didn't kill any of my smart mouthed kids today because I look really bad in prison orange.'

Today is one of those days.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Day 23 - Football, Pigs in trailers and frozen ass cheeks. Cause that's how I roll.

Today, I'm thankful for warm clothes.  And my old lady heating blanket.  And that I live in Texas.  You see, Texas is usually warm.


We had this weird cold front come in and it is freezing!  Literally.  We usually only get a few days a year below freezing where I live and it never happens this early.  One week ago, we had a record high of 90.

Texans don't deal well with cold weather.  Especially when it comes with wet weather.  It has been vascillating between rain, sleet, snow flurries, back to rain.  When it is cold and wet, schools close, grocery stores run out of bread and pizza delivery skyrockets.  The only thing that doesn't stop for this weather?

High School Football

Even in the cold, wet weather they still play.  My husband and a whole crap ton of other fans went to the game.  Notice how I didn't say me?  Nope, I stayed home in my pajamas and watched it on tv.  Yes, here in Texas, they broadcast high school playoff games on TV.  We take our football pretty seriously around here.  

I was sitting on my couch, wearing my most comfy pajama pants, screaming like a banshee at the tv like my kid was going to hear me from there.

We won.

I'm pretty sure it was my couch cheering.  Couch cheering helped keep my Texan rear end out of the cold.

This morning I wasn't quite so lucky.  This morning was a stock show jackpot.  At the ass crack of dawn.  I had to get up before 5 am to get that stupid pig loaded on the trailer.  Yes, trailer.  I told y'all I wasn't ever putting that stupid pig back in my truck.

Even with three layers of clothing and my husband's sub zero parka, I froze my rear end off.  So today, I am very thankful for a house with a heater.  For an old lady heating blanket.  And for the fact that in a day or two, I won't even need a sweater.  If you don't like the weather in Texas, just wait a little bit.  It'll change.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Day 22–Keeping it all together

Today I’m thankful for Excel spreadsheets. Without them, I would be losing my ever loving mind right now.  And I really don’t need any help in that area. 

That Man and I are having Thanksgiving at our house this year, with all the kiddos, their spouses, the grandbebes and a couple of friends.  Wait, did I tell y’all about that?  He built a house and then said I should move in.  Didn’t make sense paying expenses on two houses anyway.  So, we’re living together now and yes, we’ll be taking the next step in the near future.

See why I need all these spreadsheets?  I got all off track telling y’all about my new living arrangements when I mentioned we were having Thanksgiving here. Yeah, that’s what I was talking about.  Sheesh.

Cooking for 10 adults and four bebes, requires some organization.  I’m a pretty organized person normally, but when you through all these extra preparations in the mix I live by my spreadsheets.

Right now, I’m finalizing my grocery list.  After choosing my recipes I enter what ingredients I’ll need and what amounts, as well as where they’re located at the store (dairy, produce, meat, canned, etc.).  After I get everything entered, I then sort the list which groups everything together and I’m not running back and forth all over the Kroger.  Plus, I’ve got a column so I can check things off after I’ve put them in the buggy.  I’m crazy, I can admit it. 

I’ll also do a spreadsheet on what cleaning needs to be done, broken down by room.  You see, I suffer from ADCD (Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder) which is evidenced by the fact I take things from one room to put them away in a drawer in another room, only to decide that drawer needs to be cleaned out.  I end up creating 84,402 projects and then wonder why I’m so tired at the end of the day. There’s also a column to check it off as done.  This keeps me on track because there’s nothing like the satisfaction of checking off your to-do list, right?

I’ve been doing this so long, that Katiebug is now carrying on the tradition.  Whenever we go anywhere, we make a spreadsheet of what we need to pack.  I’m sorry I warped you little girl but you don’t forget anything when you travel, do you?

Freak, party of one – your table is ready. I guess right now you’re probably thankful you’re not as weird as I am, huh? 

Y’all come back now. 


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Day 21–Farouk, you are the wind beneath my wings

Today I, along with more women than I can possibly count, am thankful for Mr. Farouk Shami.  This gentleman is probably my most favorite man in the entire world. Well, next to my daddy and That Man of course.
You don’t know who I’m talking about?  Oh, I bet you do. 
Tell me you don’t turn this on first thing every morning?
Without this little jewel, how many of us would ever have a good hair day?  I know I wouldn’t.  I love my blow dryer and I love my hot rollers, but I have a habit of going to bed with my hair wet.  I won’t say my hair is crazy when I wake up, but this guy right here?  He’s having a great hair day compared to mine.
carrot top
Mr. Farouk, my hair and self-esteem thank you for you Chi Iron. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Day 20: Modern technology

Hey y'all!

I'm baaaaaaaack...Aunt Crazy here to share how thankful I am for modern technology.

I mean, who doesn't love their smart phone or their tablet, those items are a given.

I'm talking about office equipment...yep, I sure am, specifically the copier/printer/fax/scanner that big fancy mammer jammer that requires an engineering degree to remove a jam or program a paper tray.

I mean, who doesn't love an inanimate object that costs a small fortune AND (added bonus here people) creates anxiety attacks every time one attempts to print a document.

This particular machine is the latest and greatest except for one small won't print the way I want it too. What's the point of having this fancy schmancy thing if I can't print a drawing in landscape??? Seriously, my IT department, the maker of the machine itself, NO ONE can figure out WHY I can't print a drawing in the orientation I want to print...and yes...


That was little ole ME you saw on the nightly news, the lady running, screaming, with the wild hairs and the crazy eyes, up and down the road hollering "this is the shit that only happens to ME!!!"

In my defense, I only lost my damn mind AFTER the copier tech explained that no other person, EVER, has had this same issue with their machine.

Adios mi amigas

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Day 19 - 36 Days to go!

That's right, only 36 days to go till Christmas.  This brings me to the thing that I am thankful for today, Christmas catalogs.  As a child, I used to pour over each and every catalog and agonize over my Christmas list.  Mostly because we didn't have two nickels to rub together so I better narrow my list down to only the things that I really really wanted.

Even today as a totally grown up lady, I love looking over all those catalogs that come in the mail.  But my very, very favorite?  The Vermont Country Store.  The tagline on their catalog is 'purveyors of the practical and hard-to-find'.  Basically, it's all the crap an old lady would love.  The whole beginning of the catalog is old lady nightgowns, followed up by various liniments and rubs.  Some days I fantasize about wearing some of those big ole granny panties, you know, the kind that go up to your armpits?  I imagine how comfortable they must be compared to these stupid thongs.

I remember seeing some of these very items in my great grandmother's house when I was little.  I remember the hard candy she used to keep in a glass candy dish on the front coffee table, the talc in her bathroom with the big white poof, even the stovetop percolator that she brewed coffee in.  It brings back so many memories to look through this catalog.

And then,

I get to page 36.

Suddenly, I want to jab my eyes out with hot fiery pokers when I see the various vibrators that are listed for sale in this grandma magazine.  NO.  I do not want to think about grandmas using vibrators called discreet delight.  And thinking about the dual pleasure?  Makes we throw up a little in my mouth.

These are things that I can honestly say I never saw laying around my great grannies house.  Because there are some things that can not be unseen.

Vibrators aside, I totally love this catalog.  I am pretty sure I will make a great old lady one day.  I'm already on my way.  I got a new dual zone electric blanket for Christmas two years ago.  At first I was all irritated, wondering why in the hell my husband would buy me a stupid electric blanket.  Well, it wasn't stupid.  The man is a freaking genius.  He's a big boy so he gets hot easy and he can keep his side off while I crank mine up to simmer.  It is heaven!  Along with my electric blanket, I also have a box of kleenex by my bed and a handful of hard candy in my purse.  I'm one muumuu away from retirement.

I do want to state that I am in no way being compensated by the Vermont Country Store.  I just totally love them.  But if they feel inclined to show me some love, I'd love some of that Blue Mosser Glass on page 58.  Just sayin.